Your Standards Are Creating Anxiety

Recently, I told you that the unhealthy, unrelenting standards you’ve set for yourself are keeping you stuck.  They make you feel overwhelmed, inadequate, and stressed out.  But we also talked about the importance of having standards — we can’t just abandon them altogether!  What we want to do is identify the standards that are helpful and keep those around and then also identify the ones that are creating unnecessary anxiety and modify them to be more helpful.  So last week, we figured out what your standards are.  And today it’s time to figure out which of those standards are unhelpful.  Make sure you grab the PDF for this post to examine your own standards.

Some of Our Standards Create Anxiety, and Others Don’t

Most often, we have helpful standards in some areas of our life and unhelpful standards in others.  For example, you might have extremely particular standards for what your house looks like but not care at all about how your hair looks.  Or you might have unhelpful standards about how you carry yourself at work but not really mind if your car is a little dirty. As you review the standards you’ve set for yourself from last week’s PDF, take note of the areas where you’re setting healthy standards and see if you can apply the same rationale to modify the areas where you’re setting unhealthy standards.

Questions to Determine Whether Your Standards Are Creating Unnecessary Anxiety

Here’s where the analysis starts.  Grab the PDF and ask yourself these questions:

1. Is my standard rigid?  Does it require that I prepare for all possible outcomes, no matter what?  Does it demand that I never have a bad day or run into an unexpected problem?

2. When I try to reach my standard, do I feel frustrated, anxious, angry, or stressed?  Does trying to meet this standard drain me emotionally?

3. Does meeting my standard make me feel relieved?  Be careful with this one and be very honest with yourself — Do you legitimately feel proud when you’ve responded to that email quickly, or do you feel relieved that you don’t have to worry about it anymore?

4. Does not meeting my standard result in an extended period of self-criticism?  Does it ruin the rest of my day? Do my mistakes stand out like sore thumbs?

5. Do I have trouble meeting my own standard?  Does it seem like nothing is ever good enough?

6. Does my standard cause more problems than it fixes?  Does focusing on this standard mean I make mistakes elsewhere?  Does spending time on this standard cause problems in other areas of my life?

7. Do other people tell me this standard is excessive or unnecessary?  Do the people I respect and trust most require this of themselves?

8. Does my standard keep me from engaging in other important activities?  Does it keep me from going to the gym, eating healthy meals, spending time with my spouse, going to happy hours, taking vacation days, etc.?

9. Does my standard ever get in my way?  Does it make me miss deadlines, interfere with my relationships with coworkers, or get in my way in other ways?

10. Does my standard take an exorbitant amount of time?

11. Does my standard interfere with my relationships?

If your answer to these questions is yes, the standard is likely unhelpful.  

I’ve got a PDF here where I give you examples of how to analyze your standards.  Check it out.