3 Lessons About Resilience from a Nightmare Trip to Florida
This past fall, my husband was sent to work in Florida for four weeks, followed immediately by Arkansas for another four weeks. Because he was gone for so long consecutively, I scheduled to visit him in the middle. The plan was to fly to Florida to meet up with him late Thursday and keep him company while he drove to Arkansas over the weekend, then fly back home on Sunday from there. Quick little easy trip.
Or it should have been. It was actually a nightmare.
And I learned a lot about resilience. If you’ve ever been in tears in the airport, you’ll be able to relate.
Here’s the story.
The Beginning of a Stressful Flight
My flight, scheduled to leave Thursday at 1pm, was delayed a few minutes out of Des Moines. This was no big deal… I had a 3.5-hour layover in Dallas, so I was totally covered.
But when we got to Dallas at 3pm, we couldn’t land due to storms. So we flew around Dallas for an hour and a half until we ran out of fuel. We landed somewhere else in Texas to refuel, with a plan to be on the ground only 30 minutes and then high-tail it back to Dallas. I’ve still got plenty of time to make my connection, so it’s no big deal.
But our 30 minutes on the ground turns into much, much longer. While I’m stuck on the plane…on the ground…somewhere in Texas, I discover my connection to Jacksonville has been cancelled. Almost all the flights out of Dallas are being cancelled. But, they rebooked me on a flight later that same night. I’m annoyed because my husband will have to get up in the middle of the night to pick me up from the airport, which will make his Friday harder. But that’s okay, I’ll have extra time to make the connection, so that’s good.
Once we’re back in the sky, I get sick from the turbulence and nearly vomit. I hold it down, but y’all it was touch and go. And in that situation, there’s a 100% chance you’re sitting in the middle seat. After approximately forever, we finally make it to Dallas at 6:45pm.
It’s a huge airport, so I have to take the tram to my connecting gate. My flight’s been delayed, so I hang out for a while and just watch it get more and more delayed. At 8pm, the flight gets moved to another gate, which means another trip on the tram to the other side of the airport. But I take the tram to the wrong end of the terminal, so I have to get on the tram AGAIN to get to the right place. At 8:30, I find an awesome seat at the gate, and I’m ready to board shortly at 9pm.
Recap: By this time, I’ve been away from home for 8 hours and my flight’s been delayed, can’t land, and is rerouted; my connecting flight is cancelled and rebooked; I get air sick; my connecting flight moves gates, with multiple tram rides, and numerous delays. But, hey, I’m a pro at coping skills, so I’m still holding it together. At 9pm, they announce the pilot is an hour away, so they delay the flight to 11:30. At 11:20pm, they officially start boarding. I’m just one step away from landing in Florida and this nightmare being over. Like I did, you think this story’s over. It’s not.
More Problems...More Stress
I’m almost there, y’all. All I have to do is get my butt in a seat on this plane and I’ll be in Florida before I know it.
But when I go to scan my boarding pass, there’s an error. Y’all. The computer says I’m not on that flight…even though I have an assigned seat.
And now the flight is full because they put a dozen standby passengers on the plane. There’s nothing they can do, they tell me, the next flight is tomorrow night at 8:30pm. That’s a full day away…
After being told to go rebook my flight at the main airline counter, they call me back and somehow miraculously get me on the plane. I’m still not sure what happened there. I’m the last person on the plane, so they take my bag because there’s no more overhead bin space. But at least I’m finally on the plane to Jacksonville.
But wait, the story’s not over.
Even More Problems...Even More Stress
It’s now officially Friday. I was supposed to be in Florida hours ago. But at 12:37am, we’re all sitting on the plane, still waiting on the pilots…the ones the flight was already delayed for but then they boarded because the pilots were confirmed on the ground….yeah those pilots are missing.
But the flight is then cancelled because we have no crew.
I can’t get the bag back that they took (and y’all it was a tiny bag, so there was no reason to take it). And I’m automatically rebooked for the flight the following night at 8:30pm. A full 24 hours after I was supposed to be in Florida with my husband that I hadn’t seen in a month.
I now have no clean underwear and absolutely no positive disposition. They send everyone on the plane to the main airline counter for rebooking. And y’all, I’m not lying, the line was at least a half mile long. Hundreds of people. And once you’re in line, you can’t leave to pee or anything….so yeah.
They eventually bring us snacks to prevent a riot. Smart choice.
I’m standing in this line at 12:45am and call the 800 number to try to rebook over the phone, but it’s an hour and a half hold on the phone, so I’m just waiting. Meanwhile, the folks in front of me buy a ticket to Orlando and say they’re going to Uber to the other Dallas airport, fly to Orlando at 6am, and rent a car to drive to Jacksonville, arriving by 2pm Friday. They offer to let me join, and they leave while I’m debating.
Then a miracle happened. At 1:40am, a lady walks by the line and says she called a different 800 number and got rebooked immediately. So I call that number and they rebooked me immediately! And while everyone else was being rebooked on the Friday 8:30pm flight, she miraculously got me on a Friday 7am flight…13.5 hours earlier.
At 1:55am, I grab riot-prevention snacks because all the stores in the airport are closed and I haven’t eaten in hours. I ride the tram (again) to my new gate. At 2am, the gate changes, so I walk to my new gate, which has danger tape all across it. Strange, but I just go with it. At 3am, the gate changes (again), so I ride the tram (again) to my new gate and arrive at 3:30am. I camp out there, work on my website, and actually leave Dallas at 7am, arriving in Jacksonville 14 hours behind schedule. By the way, the bag they took but really didn’t need to take was lost, so I had nothing with me except my purse and the clothes on my back.
Three Lessons Learned About Psychological Resilience
I’m a person who’s a slave to routine. I go to bed at the same time every night, get up at the same time every morning, and eat on a schedule. So being in this position where I stayed up all night, had minimal access to food, and had to repeatedly pivot was a challenge. Here are three lessons I learned from this experience.
1. Acceptance is key to minimizing stress, anxiety, and tears.
Flying is stressful for people because we have almost no control over anything that happens…the schedule, the luggage, the snacks, our seat partners, the safety…nothing.
There was nothing I could do about the delay in Des Moines, the weather in Dallas, the rebookings and delays and cancellations, the gate changes, the ticket errors. Nothing.
So I knew getting upset about it wouldn’t be helpful. The situation itself was painful and stressful, but our minds can exacerbate that stress if we allow them to.
My mind could have made the experience much worse by thinking about how unfair it was, by thinking about how it should have been going, by worrying about how it was going to end up.
By just accepting what was happening as it was happening and realizing the areas where I did and did not have control, I could limit the stress of the experience to just the necessary stress.
2. Reaching out for support makes it easier to keep a level head and manage stress.
Throughout the experience, I was in touch with my inner circle. I was in touch with my husband until he went to bed, and because it was important that he sleep, I was then in touch with another friend (shoutout Dan Galloway) until the middle of the night, when I started working on my website while everyone else was sleeping.
Keeping in touch with friends helps us not feel so alone while we’re going through tough things and it also validates the struggle, reminds us that it’s never as bad as our mind makes it out to be, and distracts us from obsessing about something we can’t change.
By sharing with my close friends that I was frustrated and overwhelmed and tired, I didn’t take it out on the (also very frustrated, overwhelmed, and tired) gate agents and the feelings weren’t as strong as they would have been if I’d ignored or suppressed them.
3. To minimize stress and distress, be careful about what you focus on.
When things are going rough, it’s easy to notice all the problems. But refocusing on lessons learned helps us see the experience as a challenge rather than an obstacle.
So this is the experience when I learned the direct phone number for immediate customer support with this airline so I don’t have to wait in line for forever. It’s also the experience when I learned how to challenge my status quo. I was able to try new skills and a new way of existing in the world…I was able to try staying up all night, talking to strangers, and not showering. As it turns out, I prefer my usual lifestyle, but at least I tried it.
The Flight Challenged My Assumptions About Myself ...and My Anxiety
I learned a lot of lessons that night.
I learned I’m more resilient than I thought.
I improved my skills in managing my emotions (y’all know I wanted to slap the gate agent when she told me I couldn’t get on the plane).
I also challenged my anxiety in talking to people…I was a moment away from joining three strangers on a road trip! Coordinating with them involved lessons in socialization and communication.
And the entire episode was a challenge in perseverance and problem solving.
Getting to This Point Was a Journey
There was definitely a time in my life when I wouldn’t have handled all these setbacks as well as I did this fall. It’s definitely been a journey to learn how to master my own emotions and have the mindset I described here. A few years ago, this would have been an absolute disaster and I would have been inconsolable, hiding in the bathroom, needing someone to fly to Dallas to pick me up. If you’re at that point right now, be patient with yourself — step by step, little by little, you can gain control of yourself and build psychological resilience.
Start with my free 5-part course, which describes the exact process I use every day to build resilience in my own life. Join here.
The Main Lesson from this Nightmare Trip
The main lesson from this nightmare trip to Jacksonville is this:
We can handle more than we think we can.
We can flex more easily than we accept.
We underestimate ourselves.
Y’all know anything about enneagram? I didn’t until recently, but I know it’s got a huge following. Next week, I’ll tell you about type 1, which is the type that schedules extra time for a Target run just in case they get distracted by pretty things…or the type that insists on always going through the grocery store by the same routine (because, I mean, obviously). Sound like you? Don’t miss it.
Dr. Finch
P.S. Here’s the summary: I had a nightmare trip to Jacksonville, Florida, that taught me 3 important lessons about psychological resilience. Start with my free 5-part course to build your own psychological resilience.
P.P.S. Remember, this is education, not treatment. Always consult with a psychologist or therapist about your mental health to determine what information and interventions are best for you. See the disclaimer for more details.
Hayden C. Finch, PhD, is a practicing psychologist in Des Moines, Iowa, dedicated to helping you master your mental health.
