4 Steps to Stop Stress Eating
If I’m honest, I’m just like you, and sometimes I fall victim to emotional eating, too. That’s why, in our pantry at all times, my husband keeps an emergency supply of what he refers to as “anxiety brownies.” Being a psychologist, I’m loaded from head to toe with the world’s greatest mental health tips and strategies, so fortunately, I seldom need to grab those emergency anxiety brownies. So I’m here today to share with you what I know and tell you how to stop emotional eating.
HOW JUNK FOOD AFFECTS YOUR BRAIN
We all know drowning ourselves in carbs isn’t gonna actually stop the stress, but it does make us feel better for a minute. For real. When we eat junk food, our brains get a dose of chemicals that make us feel pleasure. It’s the same chemicals that make drugs feel good. And if we’ve eaten junk food enough times to learn that food makes us feel good, our brains will learn to start anticipating feeling good by smelling the food, seeing the food, or even thinking about the food. That causes some serious cravings.
HOW YOU’VE TRIED TO STOP STRESS EATING BEFORE
When people try to stop stress eating, they usually try a “just stop it” approach. They find themselves elbow deep into Ben and Jerry and they try to force themselves to stop after just one more spoonful. Or they feel a craving coming on and they try desperately to talk themselves out of swinging by Panda Express on the way home from work. If you’ve tried those approaches, you’re not alone. You’ve also probably not been too successful. But that’s why you have me.
SOMEONE FAMOUS TELLS US HOW TO STOP EMOTIONAL EATING
There’s a famous quote that, like many quotes, no one really knows who actually said it first. Maybe it was Viktor Frankl (a psychiatrist/Holocaust survivor), maybe it was Stephen R. Covey (the author of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People), maybe it was Rollo May (an influential 20th century existential psychologist). Who knows. For this purpose, it doesn’t really matter. Anyways, the quote is super important for learning how to stop emotional eating. Here it is:
Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.
Let’s break that down.
STEP 1 OF HOW TO STOP STRESS EATING: STIMULUS
Let’s start with “stimulus.” For this purpose, you can think of a stimulus as a trigger. The trigger for emotional eating is…unsurprisingly, an emotion. The thing is, though, we often don’t really notice the emotion…we notice the eating, which is the response.
So step 1 of stopping emotional eating is noticing the emotion. The emotions that trigger emotional eating can be literally anything — sometimes it’s stress-based emotions
(anxious, concerned, exhausted, frantic, impatient, nervous, overwhelmed, panicky, swamped, tense, uneasy, etc.)
and sometimes it’s versions of sadness
(ashamed, burdened, defeated, depressed, disappointed, discouraged, distressed, drained, inadequate, lonely, regretful, rejected, resigned, unappreciated)
or anger
(aggravated, annoyed, deceived, displeased, exasperated, frustrated, irritated, offended, provoked, resentful, etc.)
and it can even be versions of happiness that trigger emotional eating
(cheerful, confident, encouraged, energized, excited, hopeful, optimistic, proud, relaxed, thrilled, etc.).
STEP 2 OF HOW TO STOP STRESS EATING: RESPONSE
The next part of our quote is the “response.” As I mentioned before, the response is the eating behavior.
Sometimes that’s grabbing a special food (ahem, anxiety brownies), which is fairly easy to detect.
But sometimes the emotional eating response is a bit trickier to identify because it could just be something as sneaky as loading up on an extra portion of what we’re already eating.
Step 2 is figuring out what your responses are — how does emotional eating show up in your life? Are you likely to cook special foods when you’re emotional, do you eat extra portions, do you frequent different restaurants or fast-food chains?
STEP 3 OF HOW TO STOP STRESS EATING: SPACE
The most important piece of the quote for showing us how to stop emotional eating is the word “space.”
The quote says that between the emotion and the eating, there’s a space.
The space might be microscopic, momentary, just a microsecond of your life. But it’s there.
Step 3 is finding that space.
As you become more aware of the stimulus and your response, the space will become more visible as well.
STEP 4 OF HOW TO STOP STRESS EATING: CHANGE
Step 4 is where change happens.
The problem most people have with stopping stress eating is they jump straight to step 4, without doing the first 3 steps. If you don’t have the first 3 steps, then step 4 becomes a “just do it” step.
But now you’re smarter than you were before you started this article, so you know there are a few things you need before you can just simply put down the bag of Doritos.
You know now that emotional eating isn’t about stopping the eating, it’s about responding differently to the emotion. BIG DIFFERENCE.
As long as the emotion is just hanging out unattended, it’s gonna continue to cause problems. Just like a rogue puppy….it’s definitely peeing on something if you’re not paying attention.
So the choice you’re making in step 4 isn’t about choosing what to eat or not eat, it’s about choosing what to do with your emotion.
Read that again.
The choice you’re making in step 4 isn’t about choosing what to eat or not eat, it’s about choosing what to do with your emotion.
ALL TOGETHER: HOW TO STOP STRESS EATING
Here’s how it works.
Step 1: Stimulus
You noticed you’re feeling anxious. You can tell because you didn’t sleep well last night, your chest feels tight, you’re a little irritable, and you’re overthinking like crazy.
Step 2: Response
You notice your brain telling you some anxiety brownies would take care of this little issue. You’d feel better in a heartbeat. You just need some chocolate swirling around inside you and everything will be right in the world.
Step 3: Space
You find that gap. You pause. You want to grab the box of brownies and start cracking eggs, but you pause and wait just a second. This gives your brain time to make decision about Step 4.
Step 4: Choice
Review core coping skills for the emotion in Step 1. In this case: Anxiety. Anxiety responds well to deep breathing, meditation, aerobic exercise, and tons of other strategies (click here for my favorite ways to manage anxiety without meds). So in Step 4, you choose any of those strategies to respond to the emotion.
HOW TO PUT THIS INTO ACTION
The first time you try this, go ahead and plan on it not working.
By that I mean, go ahead and plan on ending up making the same choice you’ve always made. If you’re lucky, you might try a coping skill first and then go back to the anxiety brownies, but either way, plan on ending up with a face full of carbs.
These habits aren’t easy to change. We’re trying to change your brain, which isn’t easy! Your brain has learned that carbs make feelings go away…it hasn’t had a chance to learn yet that other coping skills can help, too.
So be patient with yourself and your brain. It’ll take several times through these steps to notice things changing for yourself. But I believe in you. You can do it.
One of the best things you can do to help yourself stop stress eating is manage stress from the beginning. Choose one of these other articles from my arsenal to get started:
The Brain Science Behind Why You Keep Repeating Behaviors That Make You Stressed
How to Break Bad Habits That Perpetuate Your Stress & Anxiety
I’ve heard from y’all that you really like knowing the science behind how mental health conditions work in your brain and your body…you’re a bunch of smarty-pants and you like knowing all the details of exactly what’s going on.
Next week, we’ll start by talking about how anxiety affects your blood pressure and other things it does to your body. Then, the week after, we’ll talk about how it affects your brain. You don’t want to miss this series, so make sure you’re signed up for notifications about when these articles go live.
Talk to you soon,
Dr. Finch
P.S. Remember, this is education, not treatment. Always consult with a psychologist or therapist about your mental health to determine what information and interventions are best for you. See the disclaimer for more details.
Hayden C. Finch, PhD, is a practicing psychologist based in Des Moines, Iowa, and Little Rock, Arkansas, dedicated to helping you master your mental health.
