In my therapy practice, I frequently talk to my clients about mindfulness. But what is mindfulness really, and how is it useful? Here are 3 things you need to know about mindfulness.

1. Mindfulness is "Paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally."

My education in mindfulness began with Jon Kabat-Zinn, a Professor of Medicine Emeritus at the University of Massachusetts Medical School, who defines mindfulness as

“Paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally.”

Read that definition again. Very slowly.

Paying attention
….in a particular way. That is, on purpose.
In the present moment.
And non-judgmentally.

It’s very different than how we normally pay attention, and it’s the opposite of the “autopilot” we spend much of our lives on. It’s deliberately paying attention in the present moment to whatever our experience is and noticing that experience without judging it as either good or bad, right or wrong.

2. Paying attention to our feelings (i.e., using mindfulness) actually helps us manage our feelings better.

Awareness of what we’re thinking, feeling, and experiencing in any given moment can be intimidating, especially if we’re experiencing debilitating depression or anxiety or have traumatic memories that make our psychological experience distressing. But when we can learn to not judge our thoughts and feelings but to observe them from a safe distance, we can more safely experience that distress and watch it dissipate. It’s a way of providing stability and grounding, even in the midst of tremendous emotional distress.

3. Mindfulness is different than relaxation.

Sometimes people equate mindfulness to relaxation. While you might feel more relaxed as you practice mindfulness, it is explicitly an active exercise. Active in the cognitive and emotional sense. It’s not about changing your state of mind or changing anything at all. Quite the opposite – it’s about accepting your reality just as it is, again without labeling or judging it as positive or negative. With mindfulness, we can get closer to our emotions and thoughts without getting caught up in the spiral, and that helps us actually gain some control over them in the long term.

Let’s practice an exercise together to see what it feels like.

Take a moment now and breathe in as deeply and slowly as possible, all the way from your belly. Hold your breath for a second, and then breathe out as slowly and completely as possible, until your lungs feel completely empty. Repeat this ten times. Consider:

Notice how your lungs feel.

Notice how your rib cage and abdomen move.

Notice what thoughts are passing through your mind. Don’t label or judge them. Don’t try to change them. Don’t try to hold on to them or make them go away. Just notice them.

Notice what physical sensations are passing through your body.

Notice what emotions you are feeling.

Notice what it feels like to notice these sensations with acceptance and without judgment.

There are countless ways to practice mindfulness in your everyday life.