Therapy vs. Friends
I usually just talk to my friends or family when something is bothering me. How is seeing a therapist or psychologist different from just talking to my friends or family?
Reduces burden to your family.
- Friends and family are irreplaceable, and having support like that is one of the ways we recover from depression and other mental health conditions.
- But there’s only so much our friends and family can do. They have their own stuff they’re dealing with, they get stressed out with your stress, and they worry that they’re going to say or do the wrong thing.
- If we lean on them too much, it can be burdensome. Psychologists are specially trained to handle other people’s problems so it doesn’t cause the same burden.
Your friends & family aren’t neutral, which affects your honesty.
- Your friends and family are personally affected by whatever your problem is or they’re aware of how you’re affected by the problem, and if they care about you, then they care about your problem.
- They have a stake in the choices you make, and you know that. When you are aware of that, you don’t necessarily tell them all the details or the whole truth about what you’re thinking and feeling. You start to worry about their judgment.
- People are much more likely to be open and honest with a therapist, who can provide a less biased perspective on what you’re dealing with.
- And then there’s the whole consideration of whether your mom is going to blab to your sister about your problems, and so on. Having a therapist eliminates that issue.
We know things.
- Psychologists spend a ton of time learning in school and training in clinics to learn really cool techniques your friends and family just can’t know without that training.
First Appointment Jitters
What should I expect at the first appointment?
Confidentiality & Other Policies
- We’ll chat about confidentiality and some basic office policies.
Your Concerns
- I’ll ask you to talk to me about your primary concerns.
- We’ll spend most of the session discussing what’s bothering you, your thoughts about it, and how it’s developed over time.
- Then, I’ll ask you a few general questions about your family history, medical history, medications, education, work, etc. so I can better understand you as a whole and start to put some of the pieces together in terms of what we’re treating.
Prep for Next Appointment
- At the second appointment, we’ll set goals for therapy, talk about treatment options, and decide on a plan for reaching your goals.
- If we have time, we’ll start working right away, otherwise we’ll hit the ground running at the third session.
More Details
- For more details about what to expect at your first appointment, dive deep in this article I wrote.
Treatment Length
How long will treatment last?
Formal Treatments
- Some treatments are designed in a neat 12 to 14 sessions.
- Some of those folks decide to continue working together for a few more sessions after they’ve completed the treatment to hone the skills and work through some “bigger picture” topics.
Less Formal Treatment
- If we don’t do such a formalized treatment (we’ll discuss this together in terms of what you want from our work together), then it’s very open ended.
- I always ask my clients to be very open with me about whether the treatment is headed in the direction they’re wanting, and I give them a lot of autonomy in deciding how long they want to continue working together and at what pace they want to work.
Financing
Do you accept health insurance?
In Des Moines and throughout Iowa, I am in network with some insurance companies. Contact me to inquire about insurance coverage.
In Little Rock and throughout the US, I am considered an out-of-network provider for insurance companies. But you can still use your insurance. Many clients choose to use their health insurance even when they seen an out-of-network provider. If you are considering this, contact your insurance company to determine what your coverage is for out-of-network providers. I can provide you with documentation to submit to your insurance company to attempt to obtain partial reimbursement. Most of my clients use their out-of-network benefits and Health Savings Accounts to cover the cost of therapy.
Successful Treatment
What will make therapy successful for me?
The harder you work in the therapy, the better your outcome will be. Here are some tips:
- Come to sessions regularly and on time
- Write down your questions/comments/observations/concerns between sessions so we can discuss them together
- Identify your goals for your life
- Do the assignments we develop together between sessions.
I only have a very small amount of time with you each week, so it’s important that we use that time wisely and effectively. The more prepared you are for those sessions, the more quickly the therapy will proceed and the more you will get out of it.
Be patient with yourself and the therapy. Therapy is hard work and often brings up a lot of unpleasant emotional business you’ve specifically been not dealing with for years.
- You may leave a session even feeling worse than when it started.
- Keep in mind, that probably means we’re talking about the right things and working on the right issues.
- You don’t come to me to get a massage, so you have to expect that you’re not always going to walk out feeling relieved.
- Hopefully, though, over the course of the treatment as a whole, you will walk out of my office for the very last time feeling much more relieved than when you entered the first time.
We’re Different
You can’t relate to what I’m going through. Why would I take advice from you?
It’s true that our life experiences will vary, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I can’t appreciate why you’re struggling.
Plus, being able to relate to each other’s struggles is only part of the recovery process. Certain parts of treatment are effective even if I’ve never experienced what you’re going through.
- For example – would you rather have a brain tumor removed by someone who has a brain tumor or by a surgeon who’s never had a brain tumor but has done a ton of brain surgery?
- Mental health works similarly. Whether I’ve experienced auditory hallucinations or domestic violence or major depression in my personal life doesn’t really affect how well I can help you with those struggles.
- I don’t necessarily have to have the problem to know how to help someone overcome it. Just like I don’t necessarily have to be in the quicksand with you to tell you what you should do to get out of it.
On a final note, you won’t be taking “advice” from me.
- The approach is very collaborative.
- You’ll tell me what’s bothering you and what works and what doesn’t; I’ll help you come up with some new ideas you can try; and you’ll try them out and report back about what your observations are.
- I might be the expert on psychology, but you’re the expert on yourself, so we’ve got to put our heads together.
I’m Independent
I’m really strong-willed and independent. It’s hard for me to ask for help, and I like to do things myself. Won’t this go against everything I believe in?
Not the way I do things. I am very committed to having my clients do as much of the work themselves as possible.
- I subscribe to the opinion that most of us learn by doing, so you’ve got to do the work to be able to learn how to do it yourself.
- Essentially, my plan is to train my clients to be their own therapists so they don’t become dependent on therapy.
- I help them develop a plan for managing their mental health struggles that they can use and revise over time, with little help from a therapist unless something major changes.
I’ll introduce you to new techniques, skills, and concepts, but you’ll be the one responsible for learning how to do the skills, figuring out how to incorporate them into your lifestyle, and deciding what needs you want to address.
- Think of it more like coaching or on-the-job training.
- Even though you’re a strong-willed and independent person, someone probably trained you how to do some parts of your job when you first showed up to work, and this is similar.
- I’m just going to train you in how to harness your intellect and other strengths to your advantage, but you’ll be the one actually doing the work.
mental health providers
What is a psychologist? What’s the difference between a psychologist and a psychiatrist and a counselor and all the other mental health practitioners?
A psychologist has a doctorate.
- My doctorate is a PhD in psychology, meaning a Doctor of Philosophy in Psychology.
- Other psychologists have a PsyD, meaning a Doctor of Psychology.
- PhDs have slightly different training than PsyDs, especially in conducting and understanding the research that supports the treatments we’re delivering.
- But psychologists (PhDs and PsyDs) focus on helping people learn skills for managing mental health, develop a better understanding of themselves and their struggles, and rearrange their lives to function better.
- Psychologists are the only mental health practitioners who do psychological testing.
- Some psychologists can prescribe medications, but most of us can’t yet (including me).
Psychiatrists have a different type of doctorate – they go to med school and have an MD or DO, meaning a Doctor of Medicine or a Doctor of Osteopathic Medicine.
- They take a biological approach to treatment and typically (these days) prescribe medications to treat mental health conditions.
- Certain nurse practitioners (APRNs, for example) also prescribe medications.
Here’s where it starts to get confusing. Some psychologists are counselors, but not all; and some counselors are psychologists, but not all.
- Psychologists come in (basically) two types: counseling psychologists and clinical psychologists. Counseling psychologists (in general) tend to focus on healthier individuals with fewer major mental health problems, whereas clinical psychologists (in general) tend to focus on people with more serious mental illnesses. However, we get the same type of training and can both usually handle both healthier and less healthy clients.
- Some counselors just have a Master’s degree and aren’t psychologists (all psychologists have doctorates these days).
- Master’s level clinicians of all types (master’s level counselors, social workers, etc.) go to graduate school and earn a Master’s degree in their field, which is slightly less training than psychologists receive but is usually sufficient to help people in a typical therapy clinic.
- Most mental health practitioners around have a Master’s degree. They can do therapy, but they can’t prescribe medications or do psychological testing, and they tend to have less training in formal “treatments” for mental health conditions.
more Questions?
Contact me. I’m happy to answer questions!
Send me a note and let’s answer every single question you have. You need to know whether this is right for you, so let’s take the time to talk it out.
Want to know what it's like to have freedom from anxiety?
If you live in Des Moines, Little Rock, or anywhere in the US and want to schedule a session to see if we’re a good fit for each other, send me an email and tell me what you’re looking for!
