Why You Have So Much Anxiety About Things You Can’t Control

One of the most frustrating things about anxiety is that often we know our anxiety is blowing things out of proportion. We know things are probably gonna work out okay and that most likely nothing bad is going to happen. “Yeah, but what if???” your anxiety says. Having anxiety about things you can’t control is normal. In this article, we’ll chat about why you have so much anxiety about things you can’t control and (more importantly) what to do about it. Let’s go.

Why You Have So Much Anxiety About Things You Can’t Control

If you know rationally that it doesn’t make sense to be anxious about something, it seems like you’d be able to just turn off the anxiety…the same way we stop subscription services that we aren’t using anymore. But anxiety doesn’t work the same way that subscription services do.

Things we can control give us a sense of predictability. When we can accurately predict what’s going to happen, we feel safe and secure. For example, I can control how much time and effort I put into a work project. That feels comfortable and safe because that control means I can control how the project turns out.

When we’re faced with something we can’t control, the world seems unpredictable…and therefore dangerous. Enter: The dreaded group project. If I’m working on a project with a group, I can’t control how much time and effort my group members put into the project. Suddenly, I feel uncomfortable and unsafe because I realize I can’t control how the project turns out.

Your brain is wired this way. It desperately wants control because that increases its sense of safety. Any time it senses something happening that you can’t control, anxiety will manifest.

How to Reduce Anxiety About Things You Can’t Control

The primary antidote to reducing anxiety about things you can’t control is to shift your attention. Warning! This does not mean that you should just ignore whatever is giving you anxiety. Instead, this means you should acknowledge it, notice that you’re anxious about it, and then shift your focus to something more helpful.

When you’re anxious about things you can’t control, your mind is in a “reactive” mode. It’s spending time and energy on concerns that aren’t in your circle of influence. These are things like

• What other people say or do
• What other people think about you
• What’s going on in the news
• Everything you see online and in your social media newsfeeds
• Bills you have to pay
• The passage of time and other existential concerns
• The future
• The past
• Weather
• Traffic

The antidote is to shift your mind to a “proactive” mode. In this mode, your mind will be spending time and energy on concerns that are in your circle of influence. These are things like

• What you say or do
• What you think
• What news outlets you watch, read, or listen to
• Who you follow on social media
• How often you exercise
• What you feed yourself
• What time you go to bed
• How you react to others
• How much you drink or shop or play videogames

When you notice that you are in the “reactive” mode, switch yourself to the “proactive” mode.

For example, maybe you notice that you are overthinking about a comment someone made about you the other day. You’re replaying conversations in your head, reviewing every detail of your relationship, having imaginary conversations of yourself confronting the person…you’re stuck in an anxious spiral.

Step 1: Recognize you’re in “reactive” mode and you’re anxious about something you can’t control – in this case, what someone else has said.

Step 2: Switch to “proactive” mode. Select something you can control instead. In this case, you might choose to refocus on how you can react to the person’s comment or on active steps you can take to put this behind you.

Resources to Help You Stop Worrying About Things You Can’t Control

Moving from Step 1 to Step 2 is easier said than done. Here are some resources to help.

If “reactive” mode involves repetitive worrying, switch into “proactive” mode using Worry Postponement. It’s an evidence-based strategy for reducing worrying. Learn how to do it in this article and grab the worksheet to practice.

If “reactive” mode involves fearing the worst in the future, switch into “proactive” mode with this 4-step process to stop fearing the worst (after all, what happens in the future is something we have little control over). Grab the worksheets to put the skill into practice.

If “reactive” mode involves a lot of overthinking — replaying conversations, dissecting things to death, etc. — use these 10 questions to stop overthinking. Grab the worksheet to put the skill into practice.

What to Do When You Feel Overwhelmed with Life

When we spend too much time being anxious about things we can’t control, it’s easy to start feeling overwhelmed with life. Next week, I’ll tell you exactly what to do when you feel overwhelmed with life. Don’t miss it.

Talk to you soon,

Dr. Finch

P.S.    Remember, this is education, not treatment.  Always consult with a psychologist or therapist about your mental health to determine what information and interventions are best for you.  See the disclaimer for more details.