How to Build Happiness Habits
We’ve been chatting about burnout, and specifically “lifestyle burnout,” which is a concept I invented to describe the vital state of exhaustion we feel with just how competitive and overwhelming our lives are. I was definitely feeling it, which is why I quit my job and took a risk professionally.
Technology has automated so many of our routine processes (like when was the last time you used a washboard??? or even went to the bank??), but somehow we feel busier, less satisfied, and more anxious than ever. I told you the 3 unregrettable things I do personally to prevent burnout and brought you 7 concrete things you can do to stop burnout asap.
Today, I’m here to teach you a simple strategy for building good happiness habits. Not only will this reverse and prevent lifestyle burnout, but it’s also a powerful approach for creating that elusive work-life balance everyone’s always preaching about.
You Know What You Need to Do to Improve Your Stress Level
Most of us know what we need to be doing — we need to exercise more, scroll Instagram less, and speak more kindly to ourselves. And we make gains in fits and starts, but it’s hard to really get good happiness habits established. Something always comes up that gets us off our game – a big work project, a sick kid, a terrible night’s sleep. And then we’re back to quality time with Netflix, Ben, & Jerry.
So what’s the secret to actually making ourselves follow through with what we know we oughta be doing?
Habits.
And what’s the secret to making habits that stick?
4 things.
The 4 Criteria You Need to Establish Good Habits
I was recently listening to a podcast and was introduced to James Clear, a writer who’s obsessed with building good habits. His four criteria simplify the process of establishing good habits and are much more effective than what we usually do with changing our habits…which is wing it, make a major overhaul in our lives, and basically just hope for the best.
As we go through these criteria, let’s use an example. Let’s say the new habit you want to establish is to do more random acts of kindness (which, by the way, is a behavior that is proven to increase happiness, so just go ahead and add that to your to-do list).
1. Your New Habit Needs to be Obvious
First, your new habit needs to be obvious. You know how you place your Instagram app prominently on your home screen? It’s obvious, and that’s part of how clicking on it becomes such an easy habit. You know how your gym shoes are in a pile somewhere in the back of your closet? Not obvious…and that’s part of how getting to the gym seems like such an ordeal.
To make a habit of doing more random acts of kindness, it needs to be obvious. So maybe we have a jar on our nightstand where we deposit a note of each random act of kindness we do. Or maybe you put a post-it note on your mirror encouraging you to do a random act of kindness each day. Or maybe you have a reminder pop up on your phone to prompt you to do a random act of kindness. You do something to make it obvious and something you think about a lot.
2. Your New Habit Needs to be Attractive
Now that you’ve made your new habit obvious, it’s time to make it attractive. We pay more attention to things that are pretty and to things we consider valuable, and habits are no exception. Like a night of lounging in sweatpants with a bowl of popcorn is attractive…we believe it will make us happier (we’re wrong, by the way, but that’s for another time).
To make a habit of doing more random acts of kindness, it needs to be just as attractive and just as valuable as the other activities in our lives. Consider pairing it with something you already love doing…like going to Starbucks. Maybe you don’t allow yourself to go to Starbucks until you’ve already completed your random act of kindness for the day. Another way of making a habit attractive is to surround yourself with people who are already doing it. We emulate the people around us, so consider spending more time around people who are either naturally kind or similarly committed to being kind.
3. Your New Habit Needs to be Easy
If there’s one thing the revolution of convenience has done to us, it’s made us demand even more convenience. I mean…we used to have to watch shows during the single time they actually aired. Can.you.imagine???? Man, that was inconvenient. So these days, if it’s not easy, it ain’t gettin done. Period.
To make a habit of doing more random acts of kindness, it needs to be convenient. We already know you love Starbucks and you maybe have a daily ritual of stopping by. So let’s go ahead and take advantage of that and do your random act of kindness AT Starbucks. That’s easy — you’re already there, so you don’t have to take any additional time or do anything different with your life other than what you’re already doing. So while you’re there, go ahead and pay for someone else’s coffee or pay someone a compliment or offer some encouraging words to someone who’s obviously having a bad day.
4. Your New Habit Needs to be Satisfying
Finally, your new habit needs to be satisfying. It needs to feel rewarding and enjoyable. We’re fairly hedonistic at our cores, and if we’re gonna change something in our life, it needs to feel good.
Random acts of kindness are inherently rewarding. Unless you’re a sociopath….. But I’m pretty sure you’re not a sociopath, so you probably agree random acts of kindness just make your soul feel warm. It feels good to give to others, so that makes us want to do it more (as long as it’s also obvious, easy, and attractive…because we’re kinda selfish and unfortunately we’re not gonna go out of our way very much to be kind to others).
Reduce Your Anxiety, Stress, & Overwhelm By Adding a New Habit
I’ve introduced you to the four components necessary to establish a good habit, and I walked you through an example. But it’s important for you to take the time to actually think through how YOU would make these changes with the specific habits YOU need to make. So go ahead and grab this PDF download where I give you space to dive deep into the habits you want to build.
Be patient with yourself. Whenever we make a change in our lives, our brains buck against it. It’s kinda like when your car starts veering into the other lane and you yank the steering wheel in the opposite direction. Or when you go to hug a puppy and they push you away. Your brain’s job is to keep things stable…to keep things from changing (high school biology: homeostasis). So if you want to make a change, you’re working against your own biology. But stick with it and it’ll get better…your brain will get on board.
By the way, getting our lives in order isn’t just about establishing good habits…it’s also about ditching the bad habits. So head back next week, when I’ll introduce you to the four components that help us break the bad habits. Don’t miss it.
Talk to you soon,
Dr. Finch
P.S. If you skipped to the end, I outlined 4 criteria that help us establish healthy habits. Grab the PDF to work through the criteria for your own habits.
P.P.S. Remember, this is education, not treatment. Always consult with a psychologist or therapist about your mental health to determine what information and interventions are best for you. See the disclaimer for more details.
Hayden C. Finch, PhD, is a practicing psychologist in Des Moines, Iowa, dedicated to helping you master your mental health.
