Shonda Rhimes Has the Secret to Doing It All
Did you know that I’m slightly obsessed with Scandal? Sure, it’s off the air, but I still watch it on repeat. It’s actually not so much Scandal that I’m obsessed with as it is Scott Foley, but that’s beside the point. Anyways, Scandal was created by Shonda Rhimes, who is also the powerhouse behind lots of other major television hits, including Grey’s Anatomy and How to Get Away with Murder. She’s won all kinds of awards. Basically, she’s the ultimate #boss.
Shonda Rhimes Can Relate to Your Sense of Failure
Shonda Rhimes gave the graduation speech at Dartmouth a few years ago, and her speech was so epic it’s still quoted. This is a woman who produces and writes three major television shows….can you imagine how much work that must be?? On top of that, though, she’s also a mom to three children. Her speech was insightful because even though Shonda Rhimes is living a life most of us could never dream of (I mean, she’s worth over $100 million….), it was so relatable. Get this:
Shonda, how do you do it all?
The answer is this: I don’t.
Whenever you see me somewhere succeeding in one area of my life, that almost certainly means I am failing in another area of my life.
“Whenever you see me succeeding, it almost certainly means I’m also failing.” Powerful. I highly recommend you read her full speech or at least read Lesson Number Three.
We Think Perfection Would Cure Our Stress & Anxiety
We all want to be perfect. It seems like life would be so much easier if we were. It seems like all the things that are difficult would finally fade away if we could just figure out how to keep it all balanced.
The Secret to Balance
Here’s the secret to balance: Balance isn’t about keeping all the plates spinning in the air at the same time. It’s about knowing which plates to set down temporarily so you can focus on spinning the others.
When you can adjust for the fact that working late to finish a project that just might get you promoted necessarily means you won’t put a home-cooked meal on the table that night, when you can account for the fact that trying to be skinny in middle age probably means you won’t have a great relationship with yourself and your body, when you can allow for the fact that being patient with your children requires that you schedule activities farther apart….that’s when you’ll ironically find the balance.
Balance Is About Forgiveness
Balance isn’t about adding more, it’s about forgiving ourselves for not doing everything perfectly all the time. When you feel like you’re finally succeeding as a mom, you probably are dropping the ball as a friend. And when you feel like you’re succeeding as a friend, you’re probably dropping the ball as a wife. Forgive yourself for that. …be more like Shonda Rhimes.
“But, Hayden, I get really anxious when I try to do less.” I hear you. Even though you know it’s “okay” to set down one plate to spin another, it doesn’t feel okay. If your thoughts don’t line up with your feelings, take my free 5-part course where I’ll teach you exactly why this happens and what to do about it.
Next week, I’ve got another message for when you’re feeling like a total failure as a person…like you’ve just dropped all the balls or can’t keep any of the plates spinning. Don’t miss it.
Dr. Finch
P.S. Summary: Turns out, a major television powerhouse is actually super relatable. I shared her message for how to actually find balance in life. It’s not what you’d think.
P.P.S. Remember, this is education, not treatment. Always consult with a psychologist or therapist about your mental health to determine what information and interventions are best for you. See the disclaimer for more details.
Hayden C. Finch, PhD, is a practicing psychologist in Des Moines, Iowa, dedicated to helping you master your mental health.
